Tag Archives: fatherhood

Congratulations On Becoming A Father…Now What?

07/26/2018 R.C. Liley Leave a comment

When a woman has a baby, it’s expected that you may run into the baby blues. Your wife or partner has just changed her entire body with a baby, gone through the rigors of labor and delivery and now they’ve got to deal with the physical and mental demands of breastfeeding and night feeds. It’s an awful lot for a person to handle at once, and it’s a shock to the system for new mothers. It’s also why postpartum depression is so common after a baby has been born. During the pregnancy, you – the father – can be an amazing support. You can attend appointments, feel the kicks and be there to hold her hand during labor, but the fact is that you experience the pregnancy in a very different way. Here’s the thing, though: you are the father, you don’t carry the baby and yet you are still at risk of developing postpartum depression.

It’s not something that’s well-known in the mental health community, as the diagnosis is still fairly new, but postpartum depression is absolutely possible in men as well as women. Women have a huge change that they go through, but so do men. Do you remember the moment that you saw your baby? Those beautifully tiny hands and those owlish eyes full of unknown wisdom? Well, you probably filled up with pride, pure, unadulterated pride. This is your child that you created and is your little piece of immortality to keep. Once those emotions have passed and settled into that unconditional love, the reality of the situation settles in, too. Every night, there is a baby screaming for food every three hours. You can’t leave the house without feeling ripped apart with guilt that you’ve left your partner with the squalling infant on as little sleep as you’ve had. You both are strung out on exhaustion and you’re trying to earn money to keep the bills paid and you’re sniping at each other. It’s quite a downward spiral.

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Over time, and before you know it, you’ve stopped laughing, you’ve stopped communicating and your mood stays low. You don’t want to go home after work and find you’re heading to the pub more and more often. You spend less time with your partner to avoid the rows and the screaming, but you feel a failure at the same time. These are all signs of depression in men, but you may not think about it at first. You may just blame it on exhaustion. You may dismiss how you feel and blame it on new fatherhood being an adjustment. The thing is depression is extremely difficult to admit to, and there’s no such thing as being able to ‘just get over it’. The positive thing? You’re not alone. The big life change that you’ve just gone through in becoming a father can result in post-partum depression and other mood disorders in men. The side effects and anxiety can manifest physically and can also leave you feeling worthless and on self-destruct. It may feel difficult, and it may seem like you don’t have a reason to complain because of your partner at home, but you do have a right to ask for help. It’s not a sign of weakness to admit defeat and speak to your doctor. It’s a strength to say out loud that you’re worried. It’s taking the steering wheel and guiding your own life back to where you want it to be.

Paternal postnatal depression is a serious condition and can lead to addiction and even losing your family. You can read leaflets about rehab centres like https://www.hotelcaliforniabellevue.com/ to get over an addiction started by paternal postpartum depression. You can also get the right treatment hashed out with your doctor so that you can go back to feeling more like yourself. With the right treatment, the right support and the fact you’ve spoken out about how you feel, you can overcome postpartum depression.

Being a new father is not easy. Paternal postnatal depression is very common and can happen to 1 in 4 men. You are adjusting to an entirely new life in your home and your whole life has been turned upside down. It’s stressful to go from being carefree to having a small, new infant needing you for everything. Even the times they need their mother, you can be left feeling rejected and left out of their new bond. It’s not okay that you spiral downward because of that but it’s important that you can understand the signs that it’s happening to you. There are things that you can do to recognise what puts you at risk for PPND, and some of those things are listed here:

No sleep.
Personal history of depression in your life prior to the baby being born.
A breakdown in relationship with your partner.
A lack of support from others around you.
Feeling rejected because of the new bond with the baby between them and their mother.
Feeling pressure about being a good father.
Money issues.

One of the biggest signs is that your partner is suffering with baby blues or postpartum depression because up to half of men who suffer with postpartum depression have partners suffering the same way. The birth of your child is emotionally challenging, and it doesn’t happen straight away. You can develop symptoms within the first year and there’s just no single answer as to why some men suffer with it and not others. It’s not something you find in the many baby books out there, but it can affect your relationship with your spouse. The most important thing to recognize is that you will need some help if your emotions can’t be handled. You can’t blame yourself for how you feel; it’s a hormonal issue that cannot be helped. What you can do, though, is find help. From as many angles as possible, you need to ask for help from everyone around you and admit to your partner how you are feeling. Admitting how you feel is the first step to overall recovery.

Life, Parenting

Golden Style Rules For Forty-Plus Dads

06/12/2018 R.C. Liley Leave a comment

forty plus dads

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By the time you make it to your late 40s early 50s, there’s a lot you can raise a glass to as a man. You’ve achieved great things in your professional career and astonishing thing in your personal life too (such as the kids of yours). No matter what anyone says, or how easy those young and handsome Instadads, make it seem, the midway marker in a man’s life is never as bad as it seems. But there are things that need more attention than ever and your sense of style is one of the,

Don’t be one of those guys that lets his style slip to the wayside just because you’ve got everything you want in life. You’re only at the midway point. There is still loads you should want to do. There is still a way you should want to hold and present yourself as you enter the Silver Fox club, and this is your time to finesse all that.

Thankfully, the basics are all you really need to be a dapper dad. It’s things like wearing clothes that fit, avoiding double denim and only wearing sneakers that are made by a luxury brand, such as a Prada or Gucci, and ideally not in a vibrant colour.

Of course, there will be times of doubt. But when you stumble across one of these times, don’t panic. Instead, thinking WWCFD – What Would Colin Firth Do. And not just him, but Mark Strong, Clive Owen, and David Harewood, all of whom know how to dress with a certain suaveness, turning what so many perceive to be a negative (their age) and turning it into a timeless style.

And, with all that said and done, here some golden rules every middle-aged man needs to know, worship and follow:

Block Out Your Colour

Don’t get us wrong. We’re not saying you should grab a black bin liner, march up to your bedroom, open your wardrobe and send every piece of colorful clothing into the forgotten abyss. No way. We’re just saying you need to be a bit more choosy with the colors you wear. Avoid all those bright colors you got away with as a twenty something and retire your time as a pastel wearer, and opt for more all-rounders. Tonal colors that can be worn with just about anything; the kind that can be pieced together or worn separately simply because their color compliments the others in your arsenal. Go for the classics too –camel, navy blue, maroon, navy blue, deep green and all those. It’s not about playing it safe, it’s about playing it suave.

Make A Middle-Aged Statement

We know how tempting it is to walk into a Harley Davidson store, picking their mattes black bike and drive it through the window wearing a leather cut you picked up in charity store just to let yourself know you’re still awesome. But you don’t need to go to these lengths. Instead, make a statement by investing in those wardrobe pieces you’ve always craved but never been able to justify. It could be the sort of Belstaff biker jacket you’d be too worried about wearing on a bike, or a pair of Tom Ford brogues complete with stylish compression socks, a suit tailored to your measurements on Savile Row, or a leather-back briefcase made by an Italian designer you can’t quite pronounce. Yes, they are expensive enough to make your eyes bulge, your bank manager check your sanity and your wife to scrunch up her brow, but they’ll last forever and, if you pick the right colors, be worn more than you ever thought possible.

Your Days Of Branding Are Over

If you’re wearing anything whereby the color is lost in the huge branding, you’re getting it all wrong. Superdry, Calvin Klein, Polo Ralph Lauren – anything brash whatsoever – and you’re simply telling the world you’re in a full-blown midlife crisis. You’re at an age where you’ve made it, where you don’t need to impress anyone with your spending habits or the size of your wallet. It will simply work against you. So, phase out any in-your-face designer nods and replace them with very subtle accessories that will catch people’s eye and have you recognized for your style more than anything else. A fancy watch, a glinting signet ring, a sterling silver tie pin, an Aspinals of London wallet, beautiful Oxfords or even a solid metal bangle. Little things like this will up your style game more than any branded clothing.

Suits The Shape Of You

When you were young, foolish and hip enough to be the godfather of your moped gang, you were able to rock drainpipe suits, slim lapels and even slimmer ties (you could even get away with that dodgy haircut). But those days are done, so if you still have any of these in your wardrobe, get rid of them along with any hopes this fashion will come back around. Chances are it might. But you won’t be of an age to rock it well. Instead, you need to swap them for a more traditional and, dare we say, mature shape. That could mean a double-breasted number if you fancy, but it could just mean a two-button, thick-lapelled piece too.

Confidence Is Your Secret Weapon

A lot of men panic when they reach forty and then have a mild stroke when they hit the halfway to a hundred mark. Don’t. You’ve got experience on your side. You know what you want, who you are, what looks good on you and what makes you tick. That’s not to say you’ve had it easy or know everything. Not at all. But whether you have a wife and kids or you’re newly single, everything they say about men being fine wines that getting better and better with age is absolutely spot on. Own it. Own your age. Own your laughter lines, rock that silvery hair and take advantage of your advantages. That confidence will be the best thing you ever wore. Fact.

6 Invest In Some Comfortable Briefs Too

Does the elastic on your briefs resemble a worn out rubber band? Do you have two pairs of boxer shorts that are not quite long enough for your legs? Is one leg hole bigger than the other? If so, then it is time to invest in some new undergarments like Zorbies. By wearing only the most comfortable briefs, you’ll feel much better for much longer on most days. Men regularly underestimate the incredible difference comfortable briefs can make.

Guest Post, Parenting

10 Tips for A New and Nervous Dad

04/17/2018 R.C. Liley Leave a comment

Becoming a new dad can be a dicey affair. Suddenly, everything stops revolving around you and the newborn suddenly becomes the center of attention. The world starts conniving against you and you kick into panic mode! The endless wails around the night, you suddenly lose interest in your favorite football matches and Jimmy you buddy seems to be having the time of his life with the newly found girl.

There are many things that come attached to the title daddy and topping the list is nervousness and panic. Things like changing diapers or even feeding the little prince or princess suddenly become a bother.

Well, daddy you are on the right flight, destination “cool and composed daddy.”

As a new dad, beginning a relationship with your child involves quitting your normal life and sacrificing more time for your family, cutting off extra expenditure, and in some instances changing friends just to mention but a few.

Although becoming a dad is one of the eventful periods you’ll ever experience in your life, its also compounded with a lot of emotions. The fact that you are going to have a huge impact on your lovely kid may leave you having sleepless nights, wondering what to do and where to start _ not to mention trying to please the society.

However, as a new baby sets foot into this world, he/she expects to be received with warm hands by both parents. You as the dad don’t want to be the canvas upon which your world paints a picture of a cruel world. For that reason, we’ve compiled a list of 10 tips that will help you go through this episode successfully.

Act like a grown-up

It would be extremely unpleasant and disturbing when you don’t take parenting seriously. Parenting isn’t easy and you may be tempted to result in drinking.

However, at this point, your family needs you at home for moral support and your presence alone means a lot to your wife and baby. If happiness is what you are looking for in drinking kids are an endless source of joy.

Going out for drinks isn’t necessarily bad, but overindulging and hiding your parenting emotions through it is unquestionably lackadaisical.

Talk to your baby more often

A recently published study stated that a baby emulates the characteristics of his parents. Talking to your child is one of the main factors that lead to them developing cognitive behaviors and communication.

Moreover, singing songs and narrating stories to them enhances your father-son bonding which has been shown to reduce constrained relationships once they grow up.

Involve yourself with the baby

From the onset, be present as the dad. Get involved in the daily care and upkeep of your baby creates a special bond hence reducing the nervousness. After all, you get to realize that bathing, changing diapers, dressing and playing with your cute baby is absolutely normal and doable.

Additionally, spending time with your baby gives the mother time to rest. More rest time for the mum means that they will have the energy to look after the baby once you are resting.

It’s ok to get help

It’s a blessing to have friends, family, and neighbors who really care about your welfare. They will purposely give gifts to show love and celebrate the life of your kid. Therefore, even if you are full of ego and pride it always good to accept any gift.

On occasions where you are struggling financially, you can always ask for help from close friends. Help may literally get your life going leaving you with little to worry about.

Don’t forget other relationships

Getting a baby doesn’t mean you abandon your other relationships. Getting back on your feet and returning to your role as a friend, team player at your job placement and more importantly as a devoted spouse is key.

Parenting shouldn’t feel like an eternal prison for you as the dad. Instead, it should be a complement to your already existing life. As the kid’s age progresses, the pressure eventually reduces and you eventually go back to your element.

Never have regrets

It’s absolutely normal to have negative thoughts but regrets shouldn’t be one of them. Kids are special gifts from God and should be embraced by all means.

Once you become a dad, the last thing you want to do is spend the rest of your life regretting. The only thing you should regret about is not having enough time with your family doubting yourself.

To avoid all the negative thought, engage and interact with positive friends who will always appreciate that you have become a father instead of blaming you for not showing up in the pub the day before.

Educate yourself

There’s no worse moment than lack of information, especially to new parents. As the saying goes “lack of information can only reward you with embarrassment” always be informed.

It’s during the moments when you don’t know what to do that nervousness kicks in and your mind switches to panic mode.

Bury your head in parenting magazines to equip yourself with information. They give you nuggets and golden parachutes to tackle almost every challenge. However, not all knowledge comes from books. Attending parenting seminars, talking to other dads, and asking help from close family members also helps. However, hanging out with your child is always the best blueprint for working your way up the parenthood ladder.

Protect yourself

Your new life as a new dad comes with new responsibilities. You surely don’t want your baby to suffer the effects of being raised by a single mother just because you got reckless and hurt yourself to the extent of being unable to support your partner.

Look out for yourself both physically and mentally. Hit the gym occasionally and tame unhealthy lifestyle choices. The fatherhood journey isn’t a short one and being healthy is important.

Accept all offers to babysit

If you don’t have anything going on with your life, have a good sit-down with your kid and teach them a thing or two.

However, you may want to go on a road trip with your friends or take a walk. By accepting babysitting offer, you get a chance to offload fatigue which makes it easier for both of you as parents.

You can catch up and take stock of your relationship over a dinner as friends or relatives take care of the kid.

Embark on household chores

We all feel lazy to do household chores as they are a bit annoying. However, we are no longer in the 19th century where men used to sit down smoking cigar all day leaving all the house chores to the wife.

For heaven’s sake, she just came out from maternity and deserves to rest. For that reason, you can help your wife by deciding to do all the chores….from laundry to washing the dishes.

Doing this makes your first week and more to come as a dad easier to handle.

Final remarks

Being a dad isn’t supposed to be hectic. It’s supposed to be a celebrating period for bringing a new life into the world. With the above tips, your new journey as a dad won’t be bombarded by stress and nervousness.

Dan Chabert, new dad, fatherhood, guest post

About the Author:

Dan Chabert – Writing from Copenhagen, Denmark, Dan is an entrepreneur, husband and ultramarathon distance runner. He spends most of his time co-managing home sites like That Sweet Gift, Borncute, Motorful and Contractorculture, health sites such as Runnerclick, Nicer Shoes and The Gear Hunt. He has also been featured on runner blogs all over the world.