Unfortunately and while it is something that you don’t ever want or enter into lightly, divorces can occur as a result of a marriage breakdown. When this occurs it is important to go through the process as calmly, diligently and maturely as possible, making a difficult time that little bit easier for all those involved. It has been found that the average amount of time a person spends thinking about divorce before they go through with it is twenty-four months and twelve days – showing that this is not something that is just thought of on a whim. The majority of people spend eighteen months trying to sort through their problems and see if there is a reasonable fix or way that their marriage can be saved. If nothing can be done in this time, then unfortunately divorce is the answer.
There are many different reasons that couples might want a divorce and none are any less reasonable than others. Some of the factors that contribute to the breakdown of a marriage could be infidelity- perhaps one or even both parties cheated. It could be that they are unhappy and argue too much. It could be that they simply fell out of love, which is something that tends to happen more with couples that got together very young and have since grown up and found that they are very different people with different wants, needs and goals in life. If you are looking to find out more about divorce and some facts and figures, then check out the infographic below.
Getting a divorce is one of the hardest things we can all go through. When there are children involved, it means we’ve got to put a lot of our emotions to one side for the sake of being good parents. Learning to be an effective co-parent in this situation is a massive learning curve. Even though your relationship hasn’t worked, your parenting can. Let’s show you how you can co-parent effectively after a separation.
Have an Open Dialogue With Your Your Co-Parent
This is one of the fundamentals and is a prominent part of a child custody attorney’s mediation strategy. But it makes sense to keep an open dialogue with your ex-partner. For the sake of the children, keeping each other informed of events and schedules that could affect the children will make the relationship work. It can be difficult, but you have to guarantee that you are keeping each other informed about every change because if you do not, and your child becomes the key source of information. This soon results in crossed wires, which also makes your child feel like they are right in the middle.
Keeping Both Households Consistent
Children need structure, and this means that in both households, you’ve got to keep a similar approach. When you run a tight ship in both homes, this will create routine and security for your kids. No matter wherever your child goes, they know that certain rules will come into play, so they can have a greater sense of well-being. That sense of the unknown is what every child fears, so having the same environment in both places creates that all-important consistency.
Remove Emotions from the Equation
As hard as it is to separate your emotions, you’ve got to recognize this is almost like a business arrangement. As tempting as it is to try and make a big custody grab and have the children full-time, you’ve got to remove your emotions from the equation and be realistic about your commitments. If you work a 60 hour week, are you actually going to be able to be an effective parent full-time? When both of you hit a realistic schedule that caters to everyone, this will make life a lot easier. You should also remember that, even though you and your partner are not together anymore, this doesn’t mean your ex is a bad parent. You’ve got to realize that just because your ex and yourself didn’t work out, it doesn’t mean that you can’t both be better parents. It is still possible for both of you to be great parents, and in fact, you may find that you are better at working together when you are not together.
It is not easy, but you must remember that for the sake of the children, you both have to provide consistency. You and your ex-partner love your children, and this means that your child needs the love of both of you. It is a hard balance to get right, but you should not be an unbalanced parent. This is why it is so important to provide a united front.
Divorces are a common experience throughout the world and stand at 2.7 per 1000 people in the USA. Nowadays, no one ever gets surprised when they hear a friend or an acquaintance is getting divorced.
However, it’s a confusing season full of anger, resentment, and pain when it happens to you. You never really know how to handle the conflicting emotions and still live everyday life.
When you have kids, it gets even more confusing because you have to think about their well-being and comfort before your needs. Studies show that you might not fully find the happiness you are looking for through divorce, but this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to find yourself if you feel trapped or unfulfilled in marriage. Divorce can be a complicated process full of many legal disputes, so seeking help from professionals like Bethesda divorce lawyers can be necessary.
Before going ahead with the divorce, here are some things to think about critically
The Property Division
One of the issues that make divorce complicated is the division of property. If you have acquired a lot of property as a family, you can decide to share equally. However, when you disagree, legal assistance from an experienced attorney for divorcemay be necessary.
Note that you’re not entitled to share if you had properties before the marriage but only what you have acquired together.
When both of you are interested in particular properties and cannot agree on division, the court chooses the best person to acquire them. Still, it considers other aspects such as the comfort of the children, each partner’s financial stability, and whether there was domestic abuse in the relationship. In some cases, property liquidation may be the only solution. In situations like these, finding a good phoenix az divorce attorney or wherever you live will help ensure a smoother, less stressful process for you and your family.
If you’re the primary caregiver, some assets such as your home might end up in your name because the court process prioritizes the children’s stability, but this decision is not always definite.
Other things to consider are the division of money in bank accounts and business assets you have acquired together. Another common issue is dividing retirement accounts in a divorce.
To make the process peaceful, fast, and satisfactory, look at the stability of the children without making the divorce a battle to win against the other partner. It’s always best, faster, and cheaper to have an out-of-court settlement.
The Welfare of the Children
Understand that you are the one getting divorced, and your children still love you and your partner equally. It’s a devastating moment for them because they wouldn’t want to take sides or lose any of you.
Most children going through divorce confess that they would want their parents to stay together, love, and be happy as a family if they had a choice.
As parents, understanding that as much as you’re getting divorced, you’ll still have to raise the children together and come up with a plan that will work for everyone without affecting the welfare of the children.
As you go your separate ways, consider the stability of the children and settle for solutions that favor them. You’ll have to figure out how to break the news to them but make it clear that you both love them and will always be a family- they can see any parent anytime they want.
However, you’ll have to agree on who’ll be the primary caregiver and how/when the other parent can access them. At the start, try to maintain a regular schedule where the kids can freely access both parents.
This will make them feel secure and not get adversely affected by the divorce. However, it’s best to protect the children when there’s domestic and substance abuse from one of the parents.
To make the divorce less painful for the kids, it’s best when you let them stay in your home and don’t change their school or home environment. A drastic change where the children don’t see one of the parents or move abroad and start a new life can adversely affect them emotionally and psychologically.
Many kids often think that they are the cause of their parent’s separation and divorce and will carry the guilt with them. However, when their schedule doesn’t change, they quickly adapt to the new life and even enjoy having two homes.
Your Emotions
As earlier mentioned, divorce doesn’t always guarantee happiness, safety, or contentment. Even if you’re the one pushing for the divorce, you’ll still have to deal with sadness, loneliness, anxiety, and emptiness. When you’re used to a particular way of life, it takes time to adjust. When not sure of the future, it can lead to anxiety, confusion, and depression.
Even when you want to get away from your partner, there are still some old feelings that will crop up now and then, making you doubt your actions. Critically think whether you want a divorce or instead work through your differences.
However, if you’re in an abusive relationship, your partner is cheating, or there’s no fulfillment, probably starting a new life is the best decision. However, it might take a while before you fully get the past behind you.
Let Go of Anger and Resentment
Anger is a familiar feeling when going through a divorce. When you feel wronged, you’ll quickly resent your partner or be angry. Understand that the more you’re mad at your partner, the more you think about them and get depressed, affecting your physical and emotional health.
Learn how to let go of anger and if you find it hard, get counseling and learn how to forgive and move on. Forgiving enables you to live a happier life opening up better opportunities in your future. Also, you’ll be able to find love faster without trust or forgiveness issues cropping up.
Don’t Hurriedly Get a Divorce
If you’re angry at your partner, the best action is to separate. If you are the primary caregiver, request them to move out of the house for some time as you both process your feelings. A divorce is a huge decision and takes a toll on the entire family. It should be the final decision after you’ve exhausted every other reconciliation effort. Who knows, you both might find it better to stay separated but not yet be willing to get a divorce. If that is the case, get a legal separation attorney involved. This is a highly emotional time, and the wisest decision to make is to get everything down in black and white. With clear boundaries and rules, there will be no misrepresentation. You both might still have feelings for each other, or you came to the epiphany that financially, it’s going to be more viable to “stick” together in name. Whatever the revelation is, divorce is previously mentioned, must be the utmost last step. Or you can even use it as an easing mechanism for the kids. Making them used to the idea of spending their week at the one parent and weekends at the other. Acclimate them into the “maybe ” new way their life will be before pulling out the final say.
If you still feel that divorce is the best decision after some time, go ahead with the decision. When the dust has settled, take time to understand why the relationship didn’t work out, learn from the mistakes, and pinpoint what you’ll do differently to make future relationships work.
Don’t Start the Divorce to Get Even at Your Partner
There is never any winner in any divorce case, and you should never get into a divorce expecting to win or beat your spouse in court. The court looks at many issues, including child custody, property division, support, and safety issues.
Rarely will any spouse get everything they have requested in court proceedings, making it hard for anyone to come out of a divorce as a true winner or loser. Divorce courts try to make the process fair to everyone involved, especially the children.
It’s Okay to Rethink Your Decision
Have you patched things with your spouse and feel that you should give them another chance? It’s okay to withdraw the divorce case and start all over again. Many states let you pull out of a divorce case at any stage of the settlement before the judge officially makes a ruling.
Even after the divorce, you can get married again and start a new life. First, however, think through the decision, consider the issues that led to the divorce, go for counseling together, and make sure that your choices do not destabilize your children’s life. If you finally get divorced, take time to process your feelings. Pay more attention to your emotional health, and don’t get emotionally connected again until you’re sure you can handle a stable relationship. Starting a relationship immediately after a divorce can be too draining.
An at-home dad on a mission to keep it real when it comes to food, fun, and raising a healthy, happy family.
