Telling your kids that you’re getting divorced can be a difficult conversation. Here are some helpful things you can do to make the conversation easier for everyone.

Plan Your Conversation

Don’t go into a conversation that has as much weight and gravity as this unprepared and fumbling over your words. It’s going to be an emotional conversation and knowing what you want to say and communicate to your children is of the utmost importance. You should plan not only what you want to say but also when you want to say it. Consider having the conversation on a weekend or when you can spend some time with them directly afterwards. Don’t drop the bombshell on your way out the door to work This planning should be done together with your soon-to-be ex so that you’re both on the same page.

Get Everyone Together

It’s important that when you do have the conversation, you have it as a family. Everyone involved and who is going to be affected should be present and both parents should absolutely be there. It will help show your kids that you are going to be in this together and are committed to working together when it comes to their future. You want to make sure that when you first announce it that all your children are there, including stepchildren if you have them. The last thing you want is for your kids to find out from their siblings. Once the initial discussion has happened, you can engage with kids individually if they need it, particularly older kids who might have more questions.

Explain Why It’s Happening

Be clear about why you are getting divorced, but don’t overshare. This means you need to avoid blaming each other or calling out specific issues, but you do need to be honest and open with your children. This explanation should be general and non-specific, and you want to avoid any accusations of infidelity. A simple explanation that lets your kids know that you just can’t fix the relationship and that you are friends but are no longer in love will usually do just fine. Avoid complex adult themed problems – you are talking to kids who probably won’t understand them anyway. When it comes to the why, the truth isn’t as important as being there to support you children.

Be Able to Tell Them What Will Happen Next

Ideally, you want to be able to answer the questions that will undoubtedly be asked. Your kids are going to want to know what’s going to happen and which of you is going to be moving out and where they are going to live now. Knowing this will give them the answers to help cope with the conversation. Try and be able to tell them this along with how visitation and co-parenting is going to work.

Divorce is incredibly difficult on children because often they just don’t understand why it must happen. Do your best to reassure them and disrupt their lives as little as possible. Be there for them no matter how they react to the news, and if they shut down, don’t pressure them into talking.