Yesterday, Avery and I made our usual two store grocery trip to Sprouts and Costco in hopes that we won’t have to go this weekend. We live only a few miles from the Texas Motor Speedway, and since it’s race weekend, driving anywhere is worse than most days.
Since we don’t head out until after her morning nap, I some work in the kitchen to tend to. I try to make Kelley’s meals in bulk so I am prepared for a few days out, so I readied four ready-to-be-grilled bean and goat cheese sandwiches. Sometimes, I wonder why I don’t make one for myself…..
Oh yeah, because I’m more of a roasted beet, Brussels sprouts, and garlic kind of guy.
I could find something to do/cook in the kitchen all day, but Avery makes sure that never happens. She woke up from her morning nap with loud moans permeating the baby monitor. She was in an area the monitor couldn’t capture, so I went in her room to see what all the fuss was about.
How a sleeping baby is able to roll around and get their leg stuck in the slot of their crib, I haven’t a clue. Luckily, she didn’t hurt herself and seemed fine once Daddy was there with a camera in her face.
I liberated our daughter from her self-induced leg restraint and gathered everything to head out. Our first stop was Sprouts, as usual, and the urge to use the restroom suddenly hit me while perusing the aisles. Damn multiple cups of green tea and coffee!!
As I stood at the urinal, I looked down at Avery in the Onya Baby Outback carrier and tried to keep her from letting out any random cries as she generally does. Why she has to fuss as I hopelessly stand at a urinal, no clue. But, as I tried my best to offer soothing words, I paused and realized what I was saying might be taken the wrong way considering my location.
Then I thought back to the countless times before when I was wearing Avery and had to use a public restroom. “Crap” (not literally), I thought to myself, “Anyone in the restroom at the same time must really be questioning what they heard from me!” I know if I were in a stall and heard some guy talking in a soothing, coo-like voice, I wouldn’t come out until I knew he was gone.
So, I listed the top ten things a dad should never say while wearing their baby and using a public restroom. And if you’re wondering, yes, I have said all of these to Avery. It’s a surprise I’m still allowed in these stores!
- Don’t worry, you’ll get bigger. (I said this to Avery when her head couldn’t see over the carrier.)
- Well, hello there.
- Uh oh, I need to get you a burp cloth.
- Daddy won’t take long.
- I’m so proud of you!
- What do you see up there? (This is when Avery is looking up at the ceiling.)
- Mommy is going to be so happy to see you!
- Please stay still so I can finish.
- Are you hungry?
- If you’re good, we can play with that new toy at home.
Yeah, needless to say, I’m going to be more conscientious about how I word things when talking to Avery in a restroom.
Baby wearing dads, have you ever said anything to your baby while wearing them in a public restroom?
I don’t know how the baby wearing moms deal with this issue, but if you have any good stories, please share!
That’s too funny! You better announce that you have your baby with you next time you walk in the men’s room.
True! Although some days, she’ll make her own announcement!
Do you announce that you have a baby when you enter the lady’s room?
I’m sitting at my desk, laughing out loud. You have to make sure this stuff goes in her baby book!! She’ll appreciate it later.
Glad you like it, and thanks for reading! I’m hoping I can turn most of my blog posts into some sort of book so we can all look back and relive the times.
Good idea,Beth!
Bwahaha!
“It’s ok pretty girl. Just a minute” yeah. No less awkward for a baby wearing mom lol
Agreed, I can only imagine. Seriously, that’s all I can do, and that would be weird!! 🙂
Thanks for reading and commenting!
“You sure look happy”
“Look how much hair you have now!”
“Don’t suck on that”
“My goodness, you’re turning purple!”
Ha ha ha, those are great! Now I’m thinking there needs to be a part 2 to this post! Not to be confused with number 2….
Thanks for reading and commenting!
Nearly peed myself laughing! As a baby-wearing and infant-pottying practicing dad I’ve raised a few eyebrows while holding baby girl to pee in the urinal while asking “do you have anything else in there little one?”
Always great to have someone to relate to! There are so many things I still catch myself saying when at the urinal. Power to us baby-wearing, urinal using dads!!
I have to say I’m impressed! I never would have thought that dads would babywear in the restroom. I guess I’m usually quick to run to the ladies (a little cleaner, maybe?) and don’t know that my hubby would wear our daughter in there. Besides this post being hilarious, I’m thoroughly impressed with you dads 🙂 It’s so neat to find a DFW blogger and one who’s a dad trying to eat healthy, too!
Have you seen this daddy blogger? http://daddydoinwork.com/dreamin/
Hi Jess (I assume that’s your name from the e-mail address), thanks for reading and commenting! I haven’t seen other babywearing dads when shopping, but know they’re out there!
I’m glad us dads are able to impress a fellow “Mama”, and hopefully we’ll continue to do so. I see you’re in the DFW area too; ain’t Texas great? 🙂
I have seen the daddydoinwork.com blog and enjoy reading his content. Oh, and I don’t try to eat healthy, I DO! 😉
Thanks again for the visit, I’m heading over to check out your blog now!
My son usally says mom are you going to poop? When we walk in a restroom I don’t really have tobworry about what I say lol
That’s awesome, and really how it should be. It’s something we all do, but still seems so taboo to a lot of people! Thanks for visiting!
Absolutely brilliant. I wish I had carried my kids just so I could’ve added to this list, but sadly not. I can just imagine being the guy in the stall listening to you say those things and being avbsolutely terrified!
Great post and I hope the list grows.
Hey man, thanks! I’ve definitely added to the list since this post and will make it a point to write a follow up in the near future. And yeah, I try and picture myself as the non-baby-wearing person in the stall and know how freaky some of these would be!
Hahaha this is hilarious!! And I’ve gotta say- you sound like an amazing daddy!! Not many men would wear their baby, let alone shop and pee w/ baby! Keep up the great work 🙂
Hey, thank you, Jessi! There’s more of us baby-wearing dads out there, we’re just hard to find since we have to go into hiding after using a public restroom and peeing with our babies! Thanks for reading and commenting!
My husband has had a few awesome moments… our favorite sequence so far:
Takes 2-year-old to men’s room stall to pee. After she’s finished, he’s taking his turn and she says (loudly) “Daddy… I like your penis!”
Response: Umm… that’s not an appropriate thing to say. Please don’t ever say that again. (Envisioning CPS being dialed immediately).
A day or two later, it’s my turn to take her to a public restroom. She was obviously reminded of the previous incident, because she proudly announces “Mommy, I DON’T like Daddy’s penis” (Yup… that’s SO much better than before!)
Okay, that’s the best thing I’ve heard yet! Thanks for sharing and the great laugh, and I’m glad no one called CPS! I’m going to think about this story randomly and just bust out laughing again, I know it!
My young cousin to his dad: daddy don’t touch me there!
Ooooo, that might raise some eyebrows!! LOL! Thanks for sharing and reading!
That’s pretty funny!
I actually had the same thing happen at Harris Teeter the other day, and told Everett (my 5 month old son), “You’re sitting right on my bladder, now I know how your Mom felt.”
I’m sure it sounded pretty strange to the guy in the stall next to me…
Yeah, the guy in the stall was probably scared to come out! I feel like I’ve scared a few people before! Thanks for sharing and reading!
Oh dear! I’ve never thought about this before, lol! I remember once saying to my daughter as she tried to nurse, “no, not now, you can eat later” Also, “You’re getting so big, this is getting harder.” Also, to keep my older daughter from opening the stall door, “Wait until mommy gets everything situated.”
Ha ha, uh oh, sorry to make you think back now! 🙂
So many things we say without realizing we’re in public! Thanks for the comment!
Yeah, while camping one time my young son and I were holding the flashlight for each other as we took our turn in the bathroom. He says, “gee, I sure like your big penis daddy!” What else do you say in an awkward moment, trying to make small talk? “Um, thanks son.” was all I could think of.
Ha ha ha ha!! Classic! I have no clue what you could say in response besides what you did. Thanks for sharing and giving me a good laugh. Have a great weekend!
Heehee! Funny post! I have to ask, how do you make those goat cheese and black bean sandwiches? That’s right up my alley! Thanks!
Hi there, thank you for the comment and glad you enjoyed! The sandwiches are quick to make and actually wrote a post on them before at this link.
I used hummus there, but just sub mashed black beans or fat free refried black beans (found in most stores, look for bpa-free cans). My favorite herbs and spices to use are cumin, paprika, red pepper flakes, garlic (one clove or powder to taste), cilantro, and parsley. Hope you make and enjoy them soon. Let me know if you do!
Oh, I’m definitely going to do this for my little man. Thanks so much for sharing!
Anytime! Please let me know how you and your little man like (or don’t like) it!
In the UK a lot of baby changes are in the disabled so I try to tie mylittle man onto one if them, do my business, wash hands and give him a clean butt. When I’m caught short though other ladies have heard me in cubicles “please keep your feet still” and “don’t! Mummy can’t reCh her pants now!”
Ha ha, thanks for sharing, Emma! It’s interesting to know how the other gender tackles this common yet taboo issue!
Gave me a good chuckle, I’ll have to pass along to my babywearing husband!
Thank you, glad you had a good laugh! Please pass along and let me know if he can relate!
My son is 22 months and we have only had a couple of ‘incidents’ so far.
When he was just over a year old, we stood at the urinal with him in a woven wrap on my front. Through curiosity, he attempted to take a look at where the sound of trickling water was coming from. In jest and without thought, I said “don’t look down!” And I was completely unaware of the guy stood next to me, who I saw through the corner of my eye, give a sideways glance in my direction.
My next moment of interest was a few months later wearing my son in the ring sling and standing in a cubicle, away from any sideways glances. Only this time I didn’t get him trying to look, instead he proceeded to kick my hand and knock off my ‘aim’. I don’t recall the exact words, but my response was to the effect of “don’t kick, you’re making me miss.”
Ahhh yes, the kicking! Never fun at home or in public!
Thanks for sharing, and I bet saying “don’t look down” happens to a lot of us babywearing dads.
you gotta get a crib bumper/pad so her legs don’t get stuck and she doesn’t wake up prematurely from her naps!! also helps cushion head bonks!
Ha ha, this post is from several months ago now. We got a bumper right after and it works great! Thanks for reading!
Keep in mind crib bumpers aren’t recommended for safety reasons!
Yep, we have the breathable mesh bumper, so no worries there! Thanks for stopping by!! 🙂
“its ok munchkin, this wont take long…”
One time I was in a stall and the lady next to me flushed and my baby jumped and I just started cracking up laughing. Baby girl made not a sound so I laughed harder when I imagined what the lady was thinking!
Oh yes, the domino effect of laughing! Never had that happen in a stall, but makes me laugh thinking of it. Thanks for reading and commenting!
What’s your recipe for the grilled sandwich and how do you keep it from going soggy?
See a few comments below, I posted a link to my recipe post. It’s really quite easy and adaptable to what you have on hand. Since it’s just goat cheese and mashed beans, I’ve never had an issue with sogginess. Just make sure you have a good, hearty bread like the sprouted grain from Ezekiel. Enjoy!
Great post! Following from House of Helton where we reblogged you!
http://wp.me/s2HSdT-reblog
Thank you, and thanks again for the reblog!
Most awkward situation in a public restroom for my hubby via my then 4 year old son: “Dad, why do you have a beard on your penis?”
Oh wow, that would be an awkward situation for sure! On the bright side, at least you have a very observant son!
Thanks for reading and sharing!
I dont think you want to know what us moms say in the bathroom when we have kids around period lol…. it’s crazy how much we can take peeing and pooping in silence (without having to rush) for granted
Agreed, maybe I shouldn’t pry too much! And yes, using the bathroom in peace can be used as a form of currency around here!
absolutely hilarious!! hahaha!! i’m sure i said a cupple of those….
can’t wait for part 2 😉
The worst one I can remember is “Stop looking at my willy” but I’ve also used a few of yours! Firstly, I may be considered schizophrenic and secondly it is just odd. My daughter’s going through a really horrible stage of being obsessed with my bits to the point she’ll contort her head 270 degrees to stare!
Oh wow, I’m hoping my daughter passes that staring stage! Thanks for the good laugh!
Bahahaha! That is awesome!
I frequently wear my baby while using the restroom – at home and in public. Some of the things I’ve been heard to say include, “suck it in, Juliet, Momma can’t zip up her jeans!” “Wiping is a lot easier without 20 extra pounds strapped to my front” (to my other two children in the stall with me), and “Whatever you do, don’t drop that toy right now!” (when tandem wearing my 18 mo on my back with a mei tai and my 6 mo on my front in a ring sling)
Adventurous every time!
Washing your hands is fun, too, when you have a baby strapped on your front! I have to do one hand at a time, lol.
Oh wow, you really have your, ummmm, hands full huh? I could only imagine hearing some of those words emanating from the ladies’ stall! Thanks for reading and sharing your own experiences! 🙂
I always talked to our children that’s it’s very important to be clean in toilets 1) because it can be a very dirty place & 2) because other people have to use it after us so we have a responsibility to keep it as clean as possible. I normally took our children to the toilet when they needed to go, but this time things had to change because we were out for the first time with our new born daughter #2 who I just sat down to breast feed when our oldest daughter who is 20 now but 2 at the time needed to go to the toilet, so she came in to the male toilets with her Tata (Daddy) for the first time and was obviously horrified as she froze with her little hands on her face in horror while she yelled out “Oh no Tata those big boys are weeing on the wall, mama would be so upset at them.” Hahaha I nearly peed my pants when my hubby came out & told me & lucky all the men in the toilets we already at the urinal because they were doing the same thing. Matt didn’t really know what to do so he just laughed too but he had a horrified daughter standing there staring at these three irresponsible men & had to do some talking to be able to get our girl onto the toilet herself. She didn’t stop expressing her concerns the whole time while doing her business the “right way” “in the toilet”……….
Ha ha ha! That’s hilarious! I can see something like this happening with my daughter as she grows older and I take her to the restroom. Thank you for reading and sharing!
Just came across this post and cannot stop laughing… So far my toddler mainly just likes to bang on the walls/door/paper dispenser when I wear him to the bathroom so there’s a lot of shushing going on from me. I often wonder what other people must think I’m up to but having read your post and these comments I reckon I should count myself lucky! 🙂
Hi there, glad you enjoyed the post, and thanks for commenting! I commend you and all babywearing moms who go to the restroom with your baby on; standing up has nothing on the difficulty of sitting! I can totally picture my daughter grabbing at everything like you mentioned if I were to sit though. Have a great day!
Great stuff! I am a newbie stay-at-home dad and I’ve been thinking about what happens when you need to use the restroom while wearing. It’s a whole new dynamic huh? I’m sure it throws other men for a loop when you walk out of the stall with a baby strapped to you.
Hey there, welcome to the at-home dad club and congrats! Yes, every time I walk out I’m sure to have one or two double takes. That’s okay, but I don’t like when other guys stare at me while peeing in a urinal!
Ha, hilarious post!