Tag Archives: love

Life

Less Than a Year to Live: What Would You Do?

06/26/2014 R.C. Liley 1 Comment

It’s a question no one wants to face, let alone answer, but the harsh reality is that many of us do every day. Oren Miller, the founder of a lively Facebook group for dad bloggers, is now faced with answering such a question.

Almost a month ago, Oren went to the hospital when he had severe back pain from what he thought was a muscle spasm. It turned out to be much worse; stage 4 lung cancer that has now spread to his lymph nodes, kidneys, liver, and brain. He wrote about his diagnosis on his blog, A Blogger and a Father, in a post he titled “Cancer”. After reading his touching story, I could hardly swallow from the giant lump in my throat.

I never met Oren, but since becoming part of the Dad Bloggers Facebook group that he founded, I am forever grateful for everything he’s done. There are over 800 members of the group today, and I share thoughts, stories, and rants on a daily basis with all of them. These guys have helped me as a father, husband, and with my small blog by sharing lessons they’ve learned along the way, and I am a better person and blogger/writer as a result.

I haven’t met any of them in person, but I consider these dads my friends as all have something in common and always help each other out. I’ve even connected with a few local dads who I will be meeting soon. All of this, because of one man who is also a loving husband and father to two children.

As I stood looking down at Avery playing with a “new” activity board I just made for her, Oren’s situation was weighing on my mind. What if I were told I had less than a year on this planet?

That giant lump returned as I looked at my precious little girl smiling at the board I made her as I thought the unthinkable. I don’t cry very often, but I felt that the slightest thing could’ve opened my floodgates right then.

Never, ever, would I want anyone to face a situation like this. Being a relative “newb” to the Facebook group, I was moved at how fast all of the dad bloggers were to respond upon hearing Oren’s news. Automatically, my respect for this guy grew like Jack’s beanstalk.

Within days, a fundraising page was created with the goal to raise enough money to send Oren and his family on lovely vacation. The original goal of $5,000 was quickly met and is now nearing $30,000!This truly will be the vacation of a lifetime.

The donations have been overwhelming, and I’m happy to have contributed what little I could, but now I’m asking YOU for help. With cancer treatments and medical expenses quickly adding up, it is evident that additional funds will be needed to help cover these as well. Not to mention help Beth, Oren’s wife, provide for their children.

Seeing how many people have already flooded Oren and his family with support and donations, it’s easy for us to fall into the “Bystander Effect“. This occurs when others do not offer help to someone in need if there are others (bystanders) already around.

We see others around and think “What else can I do besides offer kind words?” Well, each and every one of us can help by making a donation we are comfortable with, be it 5 or 5,000 dollars, and know that together we make something huge!

Please help by going to Oren’s Fundraising Page and giving whatever you can.

I am a firm believer in the power of mind, and would like to think I could remain optimistic like Oren should the news ever befall me. If you believe you will fail at something, you inevitably will fail, but if you tell yourself you WILL succeed, then you can overcome any obstacle.

The more donations and words of encouragement given on his page, the more power we give to Oren and his family to remain optimistic and fight this obstical!

Life, Parenting

No Giant Tortoise for Father’s Day

06/17/2014 R.C. Liley 4 Comments

The sound of my Vibram-clad feet running on a hiking trail with a light breeze whispering in my ears and the sound of grasshoppers flapping to move out of my path. This is how I spent part of my first Father’s Day; alone and at peace enjoying a sweaty run on a nearby trail.

6.5 miles and 31 pushups, air squats, and burpees later, I was ready to go back to my beautiful girls to celebrate “my” day!

Before I left for my run, Going Mom made me a lot of coffee with the French press and gave me my Father’s Day gift.

Pretty sure I drank a full carafe by myself!

I’m a sentimental kind of guy, and gifts from the heart mean more to me than something that can bought and wrapped up. Don’t get me wrong, there are many things you can buy and wrap that do require thought and care, but I don’t “need” those things and would rather have something made just for me.

Kelley knows this and was spending a lot of time in our front room for the days leading up to Father’s Day. She prohibited me from entering the front room for about a month since it also housed my 30th birthday gift. I was clueless what it could be, but instantly loved it when she gave it to me that morning.

A photo book with picture of just Avery and me starting at day 1 in the hospital and having our skin to skin time.

As I looked through, I relived each moment and joy filled my heart; I love it! Even this picture of me wearing Avery in the Baby Bjorn which I will never do again for the potential hip issues it causes babies, put a giant grin on my face.

Now I wear her in an Onya most of the time as well as an Ergo sometimes. Both are great options and seat the baby with their knees higher than their bottom and supports the hips. They are also more comfortable on you, the babywearer.

The time and thought my loving wife put into this means so much to me and (I’m looking at it now and smiling) makes me grateful for our small family. Even the card had to of taken some time and puts my homemade cards to her to shame!

Yep, I didn’t get a giant toolbox from Sears with all of the coolest Craftsmen tools or a new tablet with a super-ultra-mega-pixel burn-your-eyes-out screen and a faster than lightning processor, I got something better; a gift from the heart of someone I love dearly and can’t be duplicated. Thank you, Kelley/Wife/Wonderful Mom!!

For a while, I played with the idea that maybe her and my mom (G-Ma) had gone in together to get me a giant tortoise for our back yard. Why the hell would I think that? It seems ridiculous to me now, but I had mentioned several times how I want a giant tortoise for our back yard. It was always just laughed off (me included) because that would be crazy and I’m pretty sure illegal here in Texas.

But then, my mom’s boyfriend, Paul, recently showed us a picture of his son’s new back yard tortoise. They kept talking about it and how they put a lot of work into their yard to make a great home for the big guy and it was awesome.

Giant tortoise in back yard with their dog having a peek

For some reason, with the enthusiasm my mom and Kelley were telling me about the tortoise, I had thought they had something up their sleeve. Turns out, nope, nothing up their sleeve at all!

As cool as it would be, I was getting worried when I thought this was a reality; what in the world would I actually do with a giant tortoise in the back yard? We have a small box turtle, Tash, and she’s all we need. Plus, she’s the perfect size for Avery to watch and learn about.

After I returned from my better-than-therapy trail run, we spent the rest of the day together just enjoying each other. We did end up with a giant turtle in our back yard, but in the form of an inflatable pool, not a tortoise.

I didn’t take a shot of the pool alone, but you can see it there behind our happy baby. I promise, she really is a girl, it just doesn’t help when we choose blue and green. Oh well, we refuse to overwhelm her with pink!

I couldn’t get a smiling picture of her and me in the pool, but she flashed her rosy gums with mommy!

After getting enough of the outside, we all gathered back inside for the evening. G-Ma was with us to spend the night and we sat around the kitchen with food and drink just enjoying each other’s company. We even had a good Father’s Day brew from a local brewery, Rahr and Son’s, to share a cheers.

No, she didn’t have any beer, but she was really loving on the cucumber we gave her. This was her first time trying, and I’d say it was a hit!

I had a wonderful first Father’s Day and love our small family. Now that I have something to compare to, next year will be hard to beat! Hopefully there’s not giant tortoise then either!

Did you do anything for Father’s Day? Get anything cool?

What would you do with a giant tortoise as a back yard pet?

Life, Parenting

Why I’m Not Giving Flowers for Mother’s Day, or Ever

05/09/2014 R.C. Liley 7 Comments

In all honesty, I have been against giving flowers for years now. Going Mom and my mom both know this and therefore never expect to receive the colorful bee food from me.

Plus, I enjoy trying to be creative and making something personal/sentimental to give. Sometimes it’s just a note with my crappy handwriting (okay, a lot of times) and nothing more, or I’ll have a small gift I made or purchased to go along.

My reasoning was simple; they just die. Why pay for something that was living and then cut and put in a vase to look pretty for a few days before it dies? Don’t say it’s the thought that counts or for symbolism, there are better thoughts and symbols out there!

Now, I have given flowers in the past, but they are ones that I picked and put together myself. Did they look good? Not really, but it was the thought that mattered. See what I did there?

Anyway, now I have a bigger and better reason not to give flowers for any occasion; most come to us from Columbia under harsh labor conditions.

Yeah, most flower bouquets are put together by workers being treated poorly in Columbia just so some guy in desperate need of a gift for his demanding wife/mom/grandma/male lover? can quickly pick one up and avoid confrontation! That’s just an example, I know some people actually enjoy getting and giving flowers, but I was going for dramatic effect here.

I just read this article depicting a Colombian woman’s struggle to provide for her family by working under harsh conditions in the cut-flower industry. I never would’ve put the words “harsh” and “flower industry” together unless talking about those darn thorny roses, but sure enough, it’s a serious and sad story.

Here are a few parts of the article that stood out to me:

…..pulling a minimum-wage salary of $333 per month. Years of difficult and dangerous work have wracked Lorena’s body, leaving debilitating injuries in their wake.

The National Retail Federation estimates that this Mother’s Day weekend, Americans will purchase more than $2 billion worth of flowers. Almost 80 percent of those flowers come from Colombia…..

Work in the cut-flower industry is notoriously dangerous. …To protect their investments, companies pump highly toxic pesticides and fungicides into the greenhouses where flowers are grown. Twenty percent of these chemicals are so toxic and carcinogenic that they’re prohibited in North America and Europe. …. workers often suffer from rashes, headaches, impaired vision, and skin discoloration. Women, who make up 70 percent of the cut flower workforce in Colombia, report substantially higher instances of birth defects and miscarriages.

“Women are chosen to work in the flower industry because they have agile hands—they can go through the motions smoother and more efficiently,” Fuentes explained. “Their hands aren’t as heavy, and so they can manage the flowers and arrange the bouquets faster.”

But in exchange, they’re often taken advantage of. “Women are regularly paid less than men for the same jobs,” Fuentes said….. Companies commonly require female employees to take pregnancy tests in order to weed out workers who might be eligible for maternity leave. A 2008 International Labor Rights Forum report suggested that more than half of all women in the industry have suffered from sexual harassment.

“There are so many mothers in this industry who have to work all day and can’t take care of their children,” Alejandra told me, her young daughter cradled on her lap. “Kids go to school and get out at 1 or 2 in the afternoon, and their parents don’t come home until 1 in the morning.

I could keep going, but at this point, it’s best to just read the article.

I understand not every bouquet of flowers in America comes from these poor conditions, but then I go back to my original reason; they just die.

Really, unless you absolutely just love flowers sitting in a vase for a few days before they turn their bright heads down and wilt, I’d be mad someone didn’t put more thought into a gift. It doesn’t take much, just a simple handmade token to show you care will mean more than flowers to most of us.

I’m a sentimental guy, Going Mom knows since I can never let go of anything, and I love even the tiniest of notes she leaves for me. The point being, it’s more personal.

So, for your loved ones, you should know what they really like and work off that. Write a poem about something they like or how much you love them. Use Pinterest as a guide for handmade, inexpensive gift to give.

If you’re a parent, your kid can be the one “giving” the gift and you get off without guilt! Even a picture and a card should mean more to your loved ones than flowers.

Am I getting my point across? What, you got it a few paragraphs ago? Sorry, I just want to really hammer it in. I’m not saying anyone should feel guilty for getting flowers because of how most of them get here, but maybe try something different and see how the mothers in your life like it.

It would be weird if I didn’t post a picture of the love of my life, so I’ll leave you with this to enjoy; both loves of my life!