Tag Archives: humor

The Bathroom of Solace

04/07/2014 R.C. Liley 3 Comments

Bathroom – A room containing a bathtub or shower and usually also a sink and a toilet.

Solace – Comfort or consolation in a time of distress or sadness

No, I’m not sad, far from, but as a parent, aren’t we all a little distressed? If you said no, what pills are you taking?

As I was minding my own business looking at other people’s business on Facebook, I happened upon this picture from Someecards.com:

I am not a woman, and I only have one baby, but this pretty much sums up how I feel.

One reason I look forward to the weekend so much is that Going Mom will be home and I can sit in peace in the bathroom when the need arises. And shi….I mean sit in peace I do!

For the other five days, Avery gets to hang with me every morning around the same time (consistency is good!) while she stares. Or, sometimes, I get lucky and she’ll just fall asleep…

Poor wife, she has to wait on me to make breakfast on Saturday and Sunday morning, but I usually have an extended “me time” in the bathroom. 30 minutes is usually the max, then it gets uncomfortable; probably like you if I go any more into detail. Sorry.

But at the same time, not sorry. I mean, as a parent, you have to be comfortable with bathroom (i.e. potty) talk. I’ve only been a dad for 5 months, but I have a feeling poop, pee, and even puke (the three P’s) are a big part of raising a child.

If you’re a soon-to-be parent, get comfortable with the three P’s now. Practice by talking about how you need to tend to your “business” with your friends and family.

While at a big social gathering for the holidays or any occasion, just announce when you need to go; add how badly for extra points. Awkward looks will follow, but stand strong and flash a confident smile as you walk to your announced destination!

Many people see potty talk as taboo, but it’s something we all have to do and should be able to speak freely about. You don’t have to go into specifics, I do with certain people, but there’s no reason not to talk about it with others in general.

It’s quite obvious I am comfortable with and even enjoy bathroom talk from some of my previous posts…..

Going Mom and I are very open about our bathroom ventures and I feel our relationship is that much stronger because of this. Hiding anything is never good in a relationship. I mean, amiright? We even all go to the bathroom together! Whoa, not like that, just to clean it….

Protesting the cleaning by slouching and kicking her Firefly toy off... — Protesting the cleaning by slouching and kicking her Firefly toy off…

I don’t want Avery to be scared to discuss her bathroom needs either, so we’ll all be open together. If you ever engage in conversation with us, just be prepared!

I have always enjoyed bathroom time as my peace and quiet time, but now I’ve grown to seriously cherish it. Vacation? No thanks, I’ll just go poop.

What are your thoughts towards talking about the bathroom?

Do you refuge in bathroom often?

Baby Wearing, Parenting

10 Things Baby Wearing Dads Should Never Say in a Public Restroom

04/04/2014 R.C. Liley 73 Comments

Yesterday, Avery and I made our usual two store grocery trip to Sprouts and Costco in hopes that we won’t have to go this weekend. We live only a few miles from the Texas Motor Speedway, and since it’s race weekend, driving anywhere is worse than most days.

Since we don’t head out until after her morning nap, I some work in the kitchen to tend to. I try to make Kelley’s meals in bulk so I am prepared for a few days out, so I readied four ready-to-be-grilled bean and goat cheese sandwiches. Sometimes, I wonder why I don’t make one for myself…..

Oh yeah, because I’m more of a roasted beet, Brussels sprouts, and garlic kind of guy.

I could find something to do/cook in the kitchen all day, but Avery makes sure that never happens. She woke up from her morning nap with loud moans permeating the baby monitor. She was in an area the monitor couldn’t capture, so I went in her room to see what all the fuss was about.

How a sleeping baby is able to roll around and get their leg stuck in the slot of their crib, I haven’t a clue. Luckily, she didn’t hurt herself and seemed fine once Daddy was there with a camera in her face.

I liberated our daughter from her self-induced leg restraint and gathered everything to head out. Our first stop was Sprouts, as usual, and the urge to use the restroom suddenly hit me while perusing the aisles. Damn multiple cups of green tea and coffee!!

As I stood at the urinal, I looked down at Avery in the Onya Baby Outback carrier and tried to keep her from letting out any random cries as she generally does. Why she has to fuss as I hopelessly stand at a urinal, no clue. But, as I tried my best to offer soothing words, I paused and realized what I was saying might be taken the wrong way considering my location.

Then I thought back to the countless times before when I was wearing Avery and had to use a public restroom. “Crap” (not literally), I thought to myself, “Anyone in the restroom at the same time must really be questioning what they heard from me!” I know if I were in a stall and heard some guy talking in a soothing, coo-like voice, I wouldn’t come out until I knew he was gone.

So, I listed the top ten things a dad should never say while wearing their baby and using a public restroom. And if you’re wondering, yes, I have said all of these to Avery. It’s a surprise I’m still allowed in these stores!

To help you see things from my perspective.

Don’t worry, you’ll get bigger. (I said this to Avery when her head couldn’t see over the carrier.)
Well, hello there.
Uh oh, I need to get you a burp cloth.
Daddy won’t take long.
I’m so proud of you!
What do you see up there? (This is when Avery is looking up at the ceiling.)
Mommy is going to be so happy to see you!
Please stay still so I can finish.
Are you hungry?
If you’re good, we can play with that new toy at home.

Yeah, needless to say, I’m going to be more conscientious about how I word things when talking to Avery in a restroom.

Baby wearing dads, have you ever said anything to your baby while wearing them in a public restroom?

I don’t know how the baby wearing moms deal with this issue, but if you have any good stories, please share!

Life

Avery Got Bit by a Snake Because of Her Dad

04/01/2014 R.C. Liley 5 Comments

I just had to stop and look, didn’t I? Avery was having a good day today being all hunky dory and even sleeping good in her crib.

With the nice weather gracing us with its presence, I decided to take Avery out for a run in the B.O.B.

Things were swell, a nice breeze, a little cloud cover, and a great view of the lake.

But, the crazy Canadian goose made an appearance and showed his (hers?) disapproval of us by hissing just like before.

Feeling unwelcomed, I continued through our regular neighborhood loop hoping not to see the goose again. I got my wish, but we saw something else instead.

I’m a reptile fanatic and can’t seem to ever mind my own business. I’m very keen on snakes and turtles in particular, so I had to stop and say hi to this guy.

The first snake of the season just basking in the sun on the warm road. How could I not stop and check it out? But, when I stopped, this kind apparently likes to jump and strike. Crap, I’m an idiot.

What kind of dad brings their baby in a stroller so close to a snake? Yep, yours truly. It struck and reached the tip of her right foot! Crying ensued after a very brief pause of terror on her face. I raced back home as quickly as possible with a face red from guilty embarrassment. I practically threw my poor daughter in a snake pit! Once home, I checked to see how the now eerily quiet Avery was holding out.

Ummmmm, not good. I strapped her in the car seat and sped to the nearest Urgent Care. The wait wasn’t too long, but felt like an eternity. Luckily, the nurses found no signs of poisoning and the bite didn’t even draw blood. Phew!!!

Guess I never even checked for blood because I was so frantic. Today, I am Bad Dad #1 and guilt weighs heavy on my conscience! With a pretty bandage on her foot and a grim look on her face, we went back home. I feared telling Kelley the news and how my stupid curiosity caused the whole ordeal.

Kelley took the news better than I expected, but still gave me an earful. I’m surprised she’s still letting me keep my stay-at-home dad job after this one! So, moral of the story, don’t stop for snakes; especially not with your baby in a stroller!

I posted a picture of Avery’s snake below for all who care to see….