Breakups are never ideal. We’d all love to live fairytale lifestyles where we stay with our partners and raise our kids in domestic bliss until they are adults. But this isn’t always the best option. Sometimes, we find that we are simply not compatible with our partners, or that our lifestyles don’t gel. We might find that one person betrays another. We might find that other issues arise. This is common and, nowadays, separation is by now means rare. What’s important to remember is that kids can have just as good an upbringing between two separate parents and this is often much preferable to being in a household that is full of arguments, tension and other issues. It is, however, absolutely essential that you prioritise your kids and their needs during any breakup. It can be tempting to focus on how you feel or how your partner feels, what you want versus what your partner wants. But you need to take care of your kids first and foremost. Here are a few ways that you can achieve this!
Make Clear Child Custody Agreements
The first thing you need to do is to make your child custody agreement clear and official. It’s all good and well having a word of mouth agreement, but then people can fail to stick to their parts without any personal repercussions. Kids need routine and stability and a clear, officially agreed custody agreement can help with this. You may need to take some time to really help yourself with understanding child custody and it’s generally advised that you and your partner work with a specialist lawyer, like Love Family Lawyers, to determine what is best for the kids. This can fall down to various factors such as where each parent is living, where the kids go to school, what each parent’s working hours are and more.
Explaining the Situation
You need to make sure that you and your partner are definitely breaking up. You need to make serious decisions, because back and forth can really confuse kids and make things harder for them. Of course, there could always be a chance of reuniting down the line. But you do need to make sure that your kids aren’t stuck in a whirlwind of you and your partner being together and breaking up constantly. When you break up, you need to tell your kids in a mature way that doesn’t drag the other parent. You need to make sure that you do this in an age appropriate way too. Telling a five year old needs to be approached in a different way to telling a teenager.
Don’t Trash Talk the Other Parent
As we’ve briefly highlight above, you need to make sure that you’re not speaking badly of the other parent to your children. Sure, you may be hurt by them, upset by them and more, but you shouldn’t dump this on your children, who aren’t emotionally mature enough to process it properly. This shouldn’t turn into a game of who can turn the kids against the other.
Hopefully, the steps above should help you on your journey to overcoming your relationship and making sure that your kids are prioritised through the process too!
